While the average Twitter timeline here actually refers to my timeline, I’m sure most Twitter users must have encountered the people I shall discuss at one point or another in their Twitter lives.
I have loved Twitter and I have hated Twitter. I would never leave however, because it is my number one source for news and happenings around the world. Without Twitter, I wouldn’t know of Beyoncé surprising the world with ‘BEYONCÉ, Kanye West and Kim Kadarshian naming their daughter after one of the four cardinal points and other important world happenings.
Well here is my list:
I believe there is a fan-girl in us all, deep down, somewhere. The Twitter fan-girl however, is different. She exists on Twitter to be just that -a fan-girl. The typical fan-girl username ranges from @BieberQueen to @BeyArmy. You might encounter the occasional @1DPrincess. These names are accompanied with pictures of their faves (favourite celebrities) as the display pictures, header images and background images of these accounts.
Whether she’s part of the Beyhive, taking directions from One D or beliebing in Justin Bieber, her account has any information you might possible need about the artiste concerned. If you follow a fan-girl and she follows you as well, the worst mistake you could ever make in your Twitter life, would be dissing her fave. You just don’t go there. You must keep all controversial opinions you have about the artiste concerned to yourself.
The Rap Genius (RG)
Whether you need a link to download J Cole’s leaked Born Sinner or Kanye West’s Yeezus, the Rag Genius is your go-to guy. Well versed in Rap ED. 101, this genius knows all the rap albums that were released in any particular year. He knows what albums were ‘the shit’ and the albums that just weren’t it.
Possibly, he knows the lyrics to all the songs on said albums. RG only tweets about rap and leaked albums. Never dispute RG’s opinions on anything rap related because RG knows it all. If you do, you are most likely going to get schooled on Rap ED. 101 and then you shall die a Twitter death.
The Political Analyst (PA a.k.a Human BBC)
The Political Analyst always has updates on the latest local and international political news. PA tackles issues such as open letters between ex-presidents and incumbent presidents, the incompetent flopping presidency, sacked military chiefs, Egypt’s new constitution and the UN’s confrontation of the Vatican on child abuse. PA usually has strong opinions that PA does not mind expressing in as many tweets as it takes. PA tweets, retweets, quotes, favourites and follows only politics. PA thinks she’s better than you because PA knows what’s happening in the world at all times. You are an ignorant brat to PA.
The ‘What-Did-I-Miss?’ Guy (WDIM a.k.a Ultimate Last Carrier)
The WDIM? Guy is like that annoying friend who never gets the joke (Never) and always asks you to explain. (What a Buzzkillington)
WDIM? always arrives when the action has died. It’s usually too late to catch up by that time. No one really likes telling WDIM? what he has missed and WDIM? never really stops asking.
We’ve all been WDIM? Guys at one point or another but you must never ask if you arrive late. That just kills your ‘cool game’. It’s bad for your Twitter street cred. You NEVER want to be the WDIM? Guy.
If you’re ever late, you’re better off scrolling down your timeline no matter how long it might take than simply asking ‘ What happened?’ WDIM? Guy is not cool.
The Link Sharer (LS)
The Link Sharer is probably never on Twitter and LS probably has no original tweets. LS might not even know how Twitter works but it matters not.
LS spends most of her time on other websites (YouTube mostly) and shares what she considers as ‘interesting reads or videos’ on Twitter, Facebook and other social network sites that LS uses. LS doesn’t know if she has any followers and LS doesn’t care.
The Chronic Retweeter (CR)
Just like LS, Chronic Retweeter has no original tweets. CR exists to retweet the wise and not so wise words of other Twitter users, crowding your timeline with tweets by strangers. CR is annoying and always loses followers. No one likes CR.
The Average Joe (AJ)
AJ is your fairly average Twitter user. AJ occasionally rambles about things like the long line at the bank, wicked teachers, difficult assignments, the weather and annoying classmates. Basically, AJ tweets about things we don’t really care about. The AJ Twitter account is the ideal Twitter account. AJ never tweets anything controversial. AJ plays it safe at all times.
(AJ is a coward)
About the author: @Ojima is a Twitter expert and Social Media analyst. She’s doubtful of social media (Twitter) activism and thinks social media is evil. She likes to write irrelevant stuff on her blog, which you are currently reading. She likes donuts.